Inside my head.

I'm just gonna pour my mind to you...
Am I good enough? Can I? I just don't know if I can. Can I really grow my seeds and become better? Questions, questions, where are the answers? My soul search has just begun and I feel free, for once in my life I feel like I know who I am and what I want. I thank my past, I thank those people who made me feel like shit, because they taught me to be strong. Thank you. God, your guidance has been my security, thank you for making me feel like I have a blanket around me. I'm safe. Thank you for strengthening the most important relationship in the world; the relationship I have with myself. Finally my heart is open and I can feel that breeze of warmth coming in again. I'm on a journey, and I might not know how I'll get there or even where I'm going but I've found my true self, and I couldn't be more happier.

I've been writing a diary now for two and a half years, and only a couple of days ago I finished my first "diary notebook", it feels weird to read back and think " How did I get myself into that mess?". But I'm glad, now I can remember back on the good moments and on some of the not-so-good moments.
I had this habit of writing everything like they were wishes. At the time when I was in a bad situation, I wanted someone to lift me back on my feet, and it's only now that I realize that that happened. I got what I wished for but I never realized it then. I think my diary was like a "prayer book" where I wrote to myself and God.

Thank you so much for being my friend. These years that I've known you, have been great. You always know what to say and your words always make me smile. Sometimes you can be a little out of tune or play the wrong beat but I'll love you as long as you stay true. Don't worry about me looking elsewhere sometimes, because you still make my heart beat faster. You can read me like a book and I know all your lyrics, you are what I call a woman's best friend. Sometimes you make me cry, a lot, and I feel like giving up on us but then you say the right words, and I'm all yours again. You make me feel free, with you I can never lose. Thank you for always staying you and never leaving my side. Hip Hop, you encourage me to be who I am.

So that's how it sounded inside my head today.
Love, Enoma